Caffeination Pontification

So, after yesterdays "last straw" shitty coffee experience, I conducted some field research at Dunkins this AM. I asked them what exactly constitutes " a sugar"? Like - when I order milk and "2 sugars", how much sugar am I supposed to be getting? Turns out, its roughly a teaspoon. They even showed me the teaspoon. Problem being, the teaspoon measurement is completely mood dependent on the person holding the spoon. I've found a new use for my Massachusetts prescriptive authority. Mood stabilizers for all DD employees.

So, as I fumed about the spoonful of sugar all the way to work, I decided to figure out how much money i've been giving DD for their crappy unregulated coffee in my lifetime. I started as a DD addict my junior year in high school when my dear friend Mary and I would go every day after school. I don't know why we thought we needed coffee to get us through the late afternoon at that age, but regardless, we'd go everyday. Then i'd go home and bounce off the walls all night, driving my parents crazy i'm sure. How did I even have money to buy all that coffee? I can't really count my 4 years at UVM, because we didn't frequent DD. We would drink coffee from the campus store called "Alices" (what a great memory!). They had self serve coffee - so obvi, the sugar was right. HOWEVER, the UVM years are easily cancelled out by 5 years as a staff nurse, a bonus for working nights while getting a masters degree, a fully caffeinated pregnancy, and a short stint on the Sheehan/Zahner orthopedic service, where I was required to stay up well past 24 hrs far too often. Heres how it jives out:

2yrs(HS)+5yrs(RN)+3yrs(NP)+1(twins)+2(ortho) = 13 years as a DD patron.

13yrs * 52 weeks * average 5 coffees * $2.18 = $7368.40 YIKES!

Lets apply this to real life. A Latte Factor of $7368.40 =

-a year of car payments
-a re do of my 12 day Hawaiian honeymoon.
-a down payment on a house
-the 1 ct each diamond earings I constantly talk about
-half my entire NP degree!
-probably enough food for a small starving country

This is scary! Sadly, we all know where i'll be at 8am tomorrow morning...just another girl trying to get a coffee with milk and 2 sugars. DD - I hope we're still "in a relationship". xoxo